Im feeling alot better...

as for guys, alot of them are stupid, they think there smart for choosing the one that lies to them so be it, I dont want a guy that doesnt believe me especially when I never lied to them.

so maybe thats what people want, someone that tells them all the things they wanna hear, welpz my bad if they cant handle the truth, or maybe it does hurt alot, whatever.

anyhow this year im still making resolutions.

i started taking care of my health better, physically and emotionally. this happening to made me realize that I really can die anymoment and i shoud live my life as best I can, and why would I want to be friends with people that are fake anways, or really dont care about me unless im looking pretty, Fuck the world!

other than that, im thinking about getting a boyfriend. or not, i dont know. hahaha i guess i could alwyas break up with the person if its not working out, but breaking up is hard to do. I wanna do so much next year, learn to horseride, skate better, sky dive-maybe, swim with dolphin, surf,and run consecutively lol , etc.

I also want to keep taking care of my body internally and externally like I am starting to now. boy, it takes time and work but it makes me feel so good i wanna hug myself. <3 am i starting to love myself? i think so ~_^ lol popeye wink!

mang and i still have my shoe fetish, maybe ill get some coach shoes next, i mean theres a pair i saw that were cheaper than my jayz so maybe haha bla well c how my summer job goes or xmas lol hopefully ill heal sooon cant wait!

so I decided to put alot of my blogs from myspace and put it on here, no one really ever visits here anyway. and well delete alot from myspace.

the past few days have been horrid for me! i havent been able to smile, and it makes me feel so hopeless....everything was just kinda like an ephiany, I can die any moment now.

like damm i really should live my life to the fullest, whos gonna like me now...=/

someone that matters to me said it would be a good reason to stop talking to me if I looked retarded. hope thats not true, but then again i dont know it hink i would just want to shut myself from everyone foreal

i hope it clears up. who know that it is such a big deal, I was so blessed and I didnt even realize it until now....

and then I think who would still visit me and want to be my friend...who is a REAL friend.....who would talk to me or talk about me behind my back...

yeah...theres just alot of things running back and forth in my mind.im not even going to say cause it is just too depressing.

at least i got my family.

well its been awhile since i couldnt easily fall asleep until yesterady..it was so hard for me to sleep, there was a throbbing pain behind my ear on my head and disturbing thoughts/images.

"lean on me, when ur not strong, and ill be a friend, ill help you carrrrrry on...for it wont be long, till im gonna need...somebody to leannnnnn onnnnn"

its like i been there for people and my friends, and I think about it, i doubt barely any of them would be there for me the way i was there for them, or just there for me at all.

I guess i just need to stop thinking everyone is a good person somewhere in that body of theirs.

maybe open my eyes, reexamine my life, man 07 is going to be crazy and I already know it.

Monday, October 02, 2006

incomplete Complete by Mila J [Intro:] Nobody wants to be with somebody That lets you have your way all the time You know Everybody wants to be with somebody that's strong True story Cause when you're weak you need somebody that's gonna pick you up and make you complete (Uh, yeah) [Verse 1] There's been times that you flipped on me cause I was wrong And I liked it (and I liked it) There's been times I've called and it went straight to voicemail And I liked it (and I liked it) There's been times you gave me closure, apologized then you cried on my shoulder and I was in your drive way before you fixed your lips to say come over No matter what it is I'm there for you [Bridge:] Hold up, wait a minute shh shh let me finish I just wanna holla at you I bet you finish my sentence Cause you know where my mind is (you know) Baby you know where my heart lives With you [Chorus:] You make my life complete (everything) You make everything sour, sweet (everything) You are everything (you're my everything) Baby you make everyday complete You make my life complete Baby you bring out the best in me You are everything (everything) Baby you make everyday complete [Verse 2] There's been times people try to come between us And I can't stand it (I can't stand it) Sometimes I feel like the world is against us I can't understand it (Damn it) But you always find a way to escape the world You love your homies, but you never put them before your girl You said the beauty in me outweigh the wrong And you've been waitin' for somebody like me so long Come sit between my legs and let me rub you No need to argue I just wanna love you (love you boy) All I can do is think about you Baby, I'm too optimistic to doubt you [Chorus:] You make my life complete (complete) You make everything sour, sweet (everything, everything) You are everything Baby you make everyday complete (everything) You make my life complete Baby you bring out the best in me You are everything Baby you make everyday complete [Bridge:] You are everything and everything is you (everything is you) You're a part of all my dreams You're in my heart and can't be removed You mean the world to me And every word I say is true (everything) You are everything (oh yeah) and everything is you [Chorus:] You make my life complete You make everything sour, sweet (you, you, you) You are everything Baby you make everyday complete You make my life complete (you) Baby you bring out the best in me (everything, everything) You are everything (everything) Baby you make everyday complete Thank you [Outro:] Now I hope I made a statement (yeah) That love, it will never go out of style And strength, strength will carry you You understand If you're a real man you do Now I want you to ask yourself Do you deserve me? Can you make me complete? We'll see ...       Marques Houston - "Naked" ...theres a special feeling to this song, Marques Houston looks the same in person ^_~

Thursday, November 16, 2006

no more complaining, let it go No more complaining :Mila J He done let me down again Always hurtin me he dont neva stop Must be something wrong with me, Im lost Cuz I cant quit letting him near my heart   How many times am I gon let him apologize Before I realize that he aint worth it How many times he gone lie to me before I go This is critical here I go CHORUS Damn im sick and tired of how he keep on lyin Damn im sick of tired of feelin like Im dyin So no more complaining either put up wit it or let it go Damn im sick and tired of making up and breaking up And im over being alone when i wake up So no more complaining either put up wit or let it go   I should be packin up again And this time I aint playin ima call it off I know I shouldn't want revenge but its a thought And maybe if I paid him back I could move on How many times am I gone let him tear me down Let him hang around he aint worth it, no How many times he gone lie to me before I go This is critical here I go   Damn im sick and tired of how he keep on lyin Damn im sick of tired of feelin like Im dyin So no more complaining either put up wit it or let it go Damn im sick and tired of making up and breaking up And im over being alone when i wake up So no more complaining either put up wit or let it go     Damn I wish I knew then what I know now Then I would have never given you the benefit of the doubt I cant believe Im goin through this boy you got me like whoa Another dirty lil secret now I know what youre all about O0o0 and o0o baby I think I done had enough I think its time you go away I just cant take it I think I done had enough   CHORUS Damn im sick and tired of how he keep on lyin Damn im sick of tired of feelin like Im dyin So no more complaining either put up wit it or let it go Damn im sick and tired of making up and breaking up And im over being alone when i wake up So no more complaining either put up wit or let it go       Goodbye my lover by James Blunt Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I am a dreamer but when I wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I'd be the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine. We've had our doubts but now we're fine, And I love you, I swear that's true. I cannot live without you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. And I still hold your hand in mine. In mine when I'm asleep. And I will bear my soul in time, When I'm kneeling at your feet. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

my blogs.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

my first blog Lolx im guessing this is like xanga? huh? today i just worked all day i work in the airport at Au Bon Pain this french bakery/cafe i know how to make espressos and everything..i went to Oklahoma for some gambling 2 nights ago then i was out till 4 last night with the intention of going to the races and showing off in front of the other grls =P in my school grl skirt. being 18 is BADASS smile

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

FUCK nuck in my buck im frustrated...but chilling..at TCC my school. i was tryign to find the club for that on myspace but i guess they dont have it. I submitted it so look out for tarrant county college in arlington and know that I, Cathy Tran, started it. lol  neways, i been here for almost 8 freakin hours, just going to my classes and doing my work and working out like a mother fucker and when i mean working out i mean cardio for like 1 hour and some more...so i should be in shape in no time if i keep up at it. even though yall think Im great the way I am, theres nothing wrong with improving myself teehee On my boyfriend issue... me and pj broke up, yes it really happened, everyone was against it, so arent they happy??... what does it matter. I was the only one trying neway, Shit gets tired and why try when no one else wants it to work? even if it would have made me happy. Well I have a new bf now and he is really awesome 3rd trys a charm?. compared to my other 2 exs . I think I actually know what a real bf is like now. He actually tries to make us work, WITH ME. We can do ANYTHING together. if we got issues well talk to each other about it. and if were not spending time together we talk on the phone and it actually doesnt feel like a game to me at times!! shocking huh?!  im chilling right now and my multiple-guy dating self is not existent. Im more than Content....I care about him so much   welpz im bout to bounce. peace. .............................................:Cathy & T :................................................

Friday, March 10, 2006

Fuck Love ... Well you guys, I know yall thought my bf was a real good guy, so did I. But we were WRONG. Its crazy how you can spend like almost all your time with someone, and they can still cheat on you... I heard the story from his baby momma, and the real reasons she is living with him and all the times he was "visiting" the baby he was actually LIVING WITH HER. and I believe her because I called him and he said.."wassup foo" [first time he ever did that he said its just for respect cause she is there, but that is some bullshit!] and she was like telling me he was telliing her that if she wanted him to get krunk..and well he said that to me before when some crazy grl was calling his house up the ass saying she was his wifee...so shit, I guess hes making me look like a fucking grl that wont stop calling..get this, he LIED TO HIS MOM saying he told me to stop calling and txting him---if he did then I would have stopped, I thought EVERyone knew we were gf and bf still..or not. ASSHOLE MAN.  everyone lied to me...and her too I believe. his cuzzin helped him, his friends and homeboys..his other cuzzins and aunts and mom. crazy how everyone can not give a fuck and let you be thinking shit is real when it really is not. aint that about a bitch? we have been through alot since the past year..and to think it was all a lie. that niggah went to school with me and waitied till i got out, he stood in the cold to change my windshield wipers when it was below freezing yall know when they had the ice thing.., we took many pictures..of everything we did..eating candy, smoking, kissing, going to the mall, swimming underwater, made a fucking scrapbook! I feel embarrased that I showed yall my scrapbook with him now..to talk so good about him and the fun times in there..fucking makes me feel so stupid. how can he let me do that, and just string me along like I think he wants to do..he was already inviting me to the dallas cowboys game next year...I dont know what to believe. but I hate to say that it had to end, cause I am a good gf and he just didnt see that... How could he propose to me and HER? niggah, this is America u cant be doing that shit, and suposedly hes a fucking christian. We prayed together, prayed to God...that we will make it through these rough times[him having a baby]..and to make it in life..<---how can you ask God for something that you dont really want?! How can he use the same fucking lines on her n me, its just too obvious. he bought HER those blk n pink jordan that i was suppose to get, remember guyz... SIgns.and my roses..that he got me I dont know why the hell that one damm rose is still standing and pink and all the other shit is dead n dried up. I dont know why I saw a cross in the sky when the sun was coming up. I dont know why I saw a dove. Or my first shooting star. what the hell are these signs suppose to mean neway? there fucking wrong. I really dont have to worry cause there are lots of ppl that know that Im great, but why do I choose the wrong guy to treat right? How hard is it to have something real? Man im so tired of these FUCKING GAMES! i thought it got out of my life but shit guess its back on..damm I never thought I would get fucked over worse than I have experienced. This shit is on a whole different level. Hate this shit. there is too much to say and frankly I dont wanna give a fuck. Fuck trying, Fuck lies, Fuck Love.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Reminiscing  My life is never simple, I can be so happy when things are gravy, but life never seems to go in my favor. All I can do is keep trying and one day, somebody will love me as much as I will love them...or maybe SOMEBODY does, but cant give it to me..I have so much love to offer, but I let my guard down and ppl take advantage of it. I dont wanna put my guard up or be a heartless bitch, but I cant just keep giving hurt like this. It feels so great to love somebody and think youre getting it in return. I just been thinking about the past alot thats why I put this song reminisce on my page and the lyrics kinda explain how im feeling. Deestylistic: Reminisce time and time i think about you baby your love just got me goin crazy (crazy) i picture myself being your lady (lady) so tell me that you love me baby (baby) time and time i think about (about) you and i our loves no doubt (no doubt) youre the only one im dreaming of (the only one im dreaming of) time and time i think about (about) you and i our loves no doubt (no doubt) you and i is what its all about the day i walked up to you i tried not to be so shy i wanna make a good impression and da expression wid the sparkle in your eyes got me hypnotized tellin me im doin sumthin ryte and maybe tonight, we can kick it somewhere i can tell your feelin me from the flick of yo hair i dont care where we go as long as im with u, mah boo everythang im saying is tru right out of the blue coz u kno i be lovin it be gettin  my hugs and kisses man,  u fulfill my everywishes ur the special lady, an angel to be exact 5'5 brown eyes u kno im lovin datbabygirl,  u kno what i just realizedall the stars in the skies  sparkelin in your eyescoz your my goddess, aint gotta act modestout of all the ladies in the room u still the hottest tellin other guys dat u cant even cop dizcoz all the guys kno that you be the hottest and the rock on your wrist when you walk into the roomits like you comin out of a mist time and time i think about chu baby your love just got me goin crazy (crazy) i picture myself being your lady (lady) so tell me that you love me baby (baby)time and time i think about (about)you and i our loves no doubt (no doubt) youre the only one im dreaming of (the only one im dreaming of) time and time i think about (about) you and i our loves no doubt (no doubt) you and i is what its all about its like the special feeelin  you lookin up to into your eyes thinkin about chu daily never ever make you wanna cry i love how mami yeh she smilin at me now she tellin me she loves me, mami drives a nigga wild so hey ma, tell me whatchu wanna do im down for watever watver you wanna do we can do dem freaky thangz, we can keep it on the low i can swing by your crib aint nobody gotta kno so we could walk the malls and  i could hold your hand  and u couldtell your friends dat im yer man and if a shawtys talkin shiit then u can handle it and if a playa talkin shiit then imma handle it and i dont really care, if people wanna hate coz this thug is found love and its in the right place right in my heart coz i love from the start i dont care what people sayin dey never tearin us apart hello my baby boo, how u doin boi, u was my man and i couldnt understand why u had to break up plans for to see u agen coz our love is so true and if theres anything that i could do to help us thru the bad times, say that u'll be mine for one more time, im just wrapped in your arms warm and cuddly left with  no harm, just you tellin me imma be your lady, got me goin crazy wen u callin me yo baby, you goin crazy hav me thinkin bout da times,  i hoped to get hav me feelin for your love, eversince the first time that i met chu boo lookin at your brown eyes, see u starin too, smilin bak wid two dimples on the sides, they got me hypnotized from time to time hopin that youll always be mine babyboy  all i do is think of you all the times that we spent and my dreams comes true reminiscin bout the past and da future too you know your feelin me (and im feelin you) babyboy all i do is think of you all the times that we spent and my dreams comes true reminiscin bout the past and da future too you know you needed me (and i needed you)oOoo

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

thoughts on the current events of my life Close to You: Heidi Degn "Heaven knows I wanted it so much...Im trying to hide all the feelings I have inside, It's getting harder to ignore, its not like anything before, I know its crazy baby, I wish I could be close to you and feeling your every move, I never meant to feel this way, maybe you would come around one day..." Mang this song is I guess explaining what I was/am feeling. LIke this broad is talking bout that I think she let this guy go after holdin on...but like she knows hes been laying with some HOE next to him, but she still cant sleep cause she wants him to call her so they can talk cause of course, she still loves him. Isnt that true though?...lol Blah... I see that I got alot of views on my blogs but noone blog-comments me, I guess I cant get NO insight, well shit I really dont need it, but u better message me and comment my ass. Neways, mang im eating this strawberries n creme gummy and I feel so naughty cause damm its hittin da sweet spot which I havent felt in forever but it sure is making my shit wet and im just *rolling my eyes* cause I got me some fucking Cadbury Chocolate and it just melts n OohHhhhHHH yeSSsSsss !!!   I been getting Hollered at alot..and alot of ppl from the past I been getting in touch with now, its kinda like a big rush. All of my feelings that when I use to love this guy and stuff and the liking and the butterfiles all that shit...remembering toOoo mUch and feeling a little down bout it, cause damm maybe ONLY I KNEW HOW HAPPY I USE TO BE...and I sure was fuckin happy. shit changes, life happens.  how INCREDIBLE and fantastic I can be if you really get to know me? cant help but fall in love with me.   no one really takes the time to know me, ppl think they know me, understand me or whatever. but they dont get me most of the time. Just assuming, misjudging. and of course if you hurt my trust well damm maybe youll never get to know me or have me as a friend you can count on... Im too honest  at times and I get in trouble for it, especially in relationships.....hmm........   welps im not going to drag on ne longer. maybe Ill update the xanga soon.

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Thursday, April 27, 2006

Broke&<3eD Current mood: blah   you know whats worse than breaking up with someone you love? Loving somebody that isnt officially yours anymore.    I never thought I would say the F U to someone I love and care for, he said it first... I cant believe he bitched at me and talk shit to me!...I never got so upset like that before, like was spitting fire to a hay stack or something.  Yall KNOW how much I loved him......I told him off. im just    =x. Dont really know what to say but there is alot that can be said. Though it is upsetting...Im not going to to dwell in it.  Uhhh yeah I know...life has been so crazy, but Im bouncing back and taking care of my present for my future... I have been sober of liquor and Green. guess what? After my 2 weeks of smokin, and geting fucked up all that time...I decided to stop, at least for now, I have so much planned for me and I cant let that shit ruin it for me. I havent gone out in like 4 days!..exception: Been working out at the gym, swimmming laps, kickboxing class, squats with the bar, running, etc. I have so much energy, and already I had alot they called me the energizer bunnie..lol..neways I have so much energy that I stayed up all day and didnt sleep but only 2 hours Lastnight/this morning when I spent all day working on a reserach paper yesterday that I just started yesterday. Yeah read parts of 6 books and mostly this one book, notecards, outlines, prewriting, roughdrafting, works cited by a BOOK!!..., so much more..lol... try listening to Mozart Contemporary the whole time, I couldnt do it for so long...its suppose to help the brain and yeah I do believe it stimulates the brain but I think I was being overstimulated because I was trying to analyze the rhythm and feel the music when I dont even have to! ... I find myself liking to learn in my classes and paying quite alot of attention, i mean like ALL my classes. yay!!!! im so happy that my love for learning is back on track. I cant JUST be doing nothing anymore, I cant just watch T.V. anymore, it really doesnt serve a purpose unless its educational...therefore, I write notes during it.LOL.....i only watch like like around 2 hours today haha.. I cleaned/washed my car!! exterior,interior, ALL the things, you name it!! im so proud, I even waxed it, I dont know my arms and everything was pretty tired....but guess what..I went to work out for a few hours. Working out at the gym has helped me alot, Im already seeing results, and I feel better on the inside because it really does help with stress and emotions and all that. The energy is incredible. I have this glow about me now cause Im like healthier lol....it makes me wanna smile alot hehehee. OH and my teeth has been getting whiter!! My hair some reason as well healthier it is looking shinier and feeling softer already!!!! Furthermore, I have just been keeping busy cause I dont want to waste my time anymore. I had an eye opener a few days back. I am studying to place out of this class. I only have exactly 6 days to learn all the material. It is some hard shit to me, but I gotta do it. Im planning on taking summer classes and Im even considering a Full time schedule with not just 2 classes a day but THREE...for the fall..what to do, so much shit to do mang. Probaly about to get a job and make some bread but for ME for a change. and save it too. well I got alot more planned than this, and even though I am not tired I should sleep cause like I said I only have had 2 hours of sleep and I dont want my body to go bonkers with bad sleeping habits..which I have been throwing off due to my going out habits in the past 2 weeks..Gots to go School tmrwie and a luncheon for club tmrw. I hope we go through with a Banquet. *cross fingers* o..lol i thought this was funny...check it, I wanted to go to the art musuem to hang out...., but when I went to my art appreciation class I really do have to go as a big grade and write paper on the art and analyzing it. which one should I go to guys???? if yall ever been lol... *Amon Carter Musuem *Kimbell Art Musuem *Modern Art Musuem *Arlington Art Musuem o and ONE more THING... if yall ever hear of a marathon coming up in the year lemme know, cause that is something I really want to experience I heard it was real fun and I bet the adrenaline rush is great! welps take carez yall Love n peace always x0x0 Cat x0x0 Gots tah Love gummy bears  yup in da Texan Longhorn hoodie , hook em baby! and this is my bestest friend Hang at her swim bday Kay. I love her SoOo Much! Hue and Liana dont yall miss us?! LOL   oh yeah...man I should go to sleep I was gonna give a shoutout to some pplz that have impacted me somehow....ahh im so hyper lol haha i started making a list but that is for later...there is too much to say right now. Chunkin up da deuces Friday, April 28, 2006 Looking back Current mood: crushed hhahahaah Lookin back on xanga entries from  my other xanga  and my other one.... Mang life changes so much. But everything happens for a reason, and to learn. I use to didnt know how to express my feelings and just have a relationship or understand why people keep things from each other or why being too honest is not always a good thing...just So much.  I was so scared of being hurt back then but I wanted love so much and I was so in love but not willing to admit, its crazy because I probaly could be so happy if I just admitted the fact..... bla bla bla . I just wanna get over it already dammit. I just wanna be established already and living the life...I dont wanna feel the way I feel right now, all  bummed out and trying to be happy when im down  . Thinking sucks too, keeping busy helps some...so does working out....ergie ...WHATEVER. Everything goes different far more than expected or hopeful wishing. When I read these entries it makes me feel what I was feeling back then, its pretty aching........ Confused in Love. I've always wondered what would it feel like to be with you forever I don't even know if  you are worth it or not. I know theres so much a ton of things just  I know it's something because I'm not stupid I don't want my life wasted but the fact is the way I feel is not in love with you but I LOVE You ........there is so much confusion that I don't know what to do but keep myself straight I have to keep myself strong . I am saying I don't know I don't know what to do all I know is I don't want to be takin as a fool because that I'm not but what more can I do but sit here and wonder what's happening in my life and where is it going   "Maybe were supposed to meet a few wrong peepz befoh meeting da right one, so dat wen we finally meet da person, we will noe how to be grateful"  "somewhere out there beneath thepale moon light, someones waiting for me and loving me tonight. Somewhere out there, someones saying a prayer that well find one another in that big somewhere out there" "The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can`t have them". There`s so much I can`t say, when I look into your eyes ,I`m worried you`ll reject me, and hurt my foolish pride. Each day this feeling grows stronger, but I could never let you know. There`s so much behind my smile that I could never show. I`d hold you for a lifetime, if you would let me in. I`d care about you like no other, but you don`t understand. Everytime I see you you are so much happier. The pain is like a knife cutting deep into my soul. So I`ll dream of us together, of just how it could be. And all that you are will always remain a silent part of me. sometimes our vision is only cleared when after our eyes has been washed with tears dont cry because it is over, smile because it happened do you ever wonder which hurts the more, saying something and wishing you hadnt or saying nothing and wishing you had. dont ignore the fact that the future becomes the present, the present the past, and the past turns into everlasting regret if you dont plan for it.. now i can write a song about falling in love...but i cant seem to find it for myself...i m sick and tired of trying to pretend that i dont need love again cause it hurts too much w/o love i just want to feel again what it feels like to be in love so im going to let u in and take another chance......on love and it plays from the past and it wont let go and i can be a millions miles away.. no matter how hard i try to fight it, love tracks me down, grabs a hold, and sometimes it just wont let go..................................i just wanna love again song playing: sam salter-love again Monday, May 01, 2006 THE song... "Pretty Boy" by m2M I lie awake at night See things in black and white I've only got you inside my mind You know you have made me blind I lie awake and pray That you will look my way I have all this longing in my heart I knew it right from the start Oh my pretty pretty boy I love you Like I never ever loved no one before you Pretty pretty boy of mine Just tell me you love me too Oh my pretty pretty boy I need you Oh my pretty pretty boy I do Let me inside Make me stay right beside you I used to write your name And put it in a frame And sometime I think I hear you call Right from my bedroom wall You stay a little while And touch me with your smile And what can I say to make you mine To reach out for you in time Oh my pretty pretty boy "I love you" Like I never ever loved no one before you Pretty pretty boy of mine Just tell me you love me too Oh my pretty pretty boy I need you Oh my pretty pretty boy I do Let me inside Make me stay right beside you [BRIDGE] Oh pretty boy Say you love me too Oh my pretty pretty boy I love you Like I never ever loved no one before you Pretty pretty boy of mine Just tell me you love me too Oh my pretty pretty boy I need you Oh my pretty pretty boy I do Let me inside Make me stay right beside you **************************************** This song has been with me throughout the years..I use to play it over and over again....It was torturing but yet it was soothing at the same time. It helped me get out my emotions. I use to stay up all night and just put it on repeat all I would see is the light of the boombox and just hold my pillow... "I was dreaming of holding you and holding my pillow but I wish I was dreaming of hugging my pillow and holding you..." FOr the little moment I could sleep, I would wake up again start listening to the song and just how true the words are and start all over again.. damm that's sad. lol FUCK DoiNG THAT netime more. Im still feeling this song...it makes me think of all the love shit I use to go through....and for what now.... Nothing but stupid shit and no love. Well Im young and I know there are many fish in the sea...but what difference would it make if you get all the little fishies compared to a whale or shark that I want. LOL im talking about fish, well Im asian so blah...lol. umm shark soup hahahahahaaha dang it is good...but I learned there is alot of mercury in sharks and other fishes so I shouldnt eat it alot and I dont only at weddings most of the time. yall should try it though =P. Thursday, May 04, 2006 Last Cry Just subsitute girl with boy. fuck it ill do it.... Our Story by Deestylistic "Yeah..yep..I miss you..me too""come on"[Verse One]Tears coming down my eyesSo hoping that you'll never lieSay you'll be there to be by my sideBut now you're gone, you left me all on my ownI miss the late night talks andYour voice on the phoneAnd the moments we shared can never be replaced[something] can never be erased cuzBaby i'm willing to give you all my loveI'm missing you so come back to me and give me a hugTell me boy If you still feel the sameAnd when youre dreaming at nightYou still see my faceAnd you're missing all those late night talks on the phoneThat without me, boy, you feel so aloneCuz if you don't, and you say you're doneThen all the feelings I had will be all wrongAnd it might be true, that cupid doesnt lieBut it doesn't matter now cuzYou're not in my life[chorus]So many tears and lonely nightsNow that you're gone andI still can't believe I had to turn to this songMissing you with every heartbeat, every second in my lifeWishing I could go back and make everything all rightBut youre gone from my heartYou left me [something]Every second of my life andI dont understandNow everythigns lonely, andNothing seems rightEveryday sitting, wishing you would come back in my lifeI wanna tell you I love you in a special wayHold your hand and tell you that I love you everydayThinking bout that night we were holding handsI was looking to your eyes with so much romanceSo u tell me boy, what you wanna doI'll do wateva u want me to coz im so into uJust give me one more chanceTo prove myselfThat without you in my life, theres nobody else[chorus] Last Cry by Deestylistic. Baby boy, I love you so much But I guess you don't understand how much I care Everything we've been through I've always stayed by your side But I guess you don't see that As much as it hurts deep inside I gotta let you go Cuz I've shed my last tear Verse 1- Hey where do I go from here now It took us one hell of a while So tell me how, we fell apart When I gave you my all from the start You was my angel You and me together, we was untouchable But when you let time play its role It becomes unpredictable Everything was changin' Lies, Rumors Everything inside me rearrangin' Now I'm facin' hard decisions And my life - In a twisted situation But I gotta wonder why, Tell me why Did it have to be this way It's best that we go our separate ways Verse 2- I tried to fight it The way I feel for you But boy this pain just won't let me go boy if you only Could try to see But I guess this love was just not meant to be Though it seems love was our destiny I could never love you The way you wanted me to Chorus- I shed my last tear with you I cried my last cry with you But I'm sayin' good-bye to you After all we've been through I shed my last tear with you I cried my last cry with you But we just can't see it through Even though I love you boy Verse 3 So many times You left me so confused You've hurt me so much Yet I couldn't stop loving you So many nights I cried myself to sleep Goin' crazy wonderin' if I should leave boy I'll never, love another Cuz you were my pride And you were my life And you were my last Chorus- I shed my last tear with you I cried my last cry with you But I'm sayin' good-bye to you After all we've been through I shed my last tear with you I cried my last cry with you But we just can't see it through Even though I love you boy Bridge- All I ever wanted was to make you happy And all I ever wanted was to see you smile All I ever wanted was for you to love me But we just couldn't seem to work things out Tell me why do things have to change And tell me where did we go wrong Cuz baby boy I'm tired of cryin' I guess someway we'll just have to move on Chorus- I shed my last tear with you I cried my last cry with you But I'm sayin' good-bye to you After all we've been through I shed my last tear with you I cried my last cry with you But we just can't see it through Even though I love you boy.   im tired of feeling crappy ..welps this song explains it.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Wish you were here... Current mood: drained Wish you were here -Within Temptation  .... dont you know the snow is getting colder? I wish you were here..Im missing you like .....help....and im feeling  blue... i got feelings for you, do u still feel the same? from the first time I lay my eyes on you, felt joy of heaven, i saw heaven in your eyes... i miss your laugh, i miss your smile, I miss everything about you, Every second is like a minute, every mintue is like a day, when youre far away.....wish you were here..  this video reminds me of true love...or the feeling in love....damm I miss the affection and I miss the cuddles..I miss the kisses and the love..the hugs everyday.... feelin so...weak..... wanting love makes me drained out. trying to help someone see the inside of you...and they do but think its not foreal...how can it possibly be that good n true? I wonder how the older people get over this,..or if they do..I know my uncle got his heart broken a few times before his marriage...but shit hes built now and with my hot auntie and a smart ass babyboy that is like 3 and he is so smart he speaks spanish,listens to Mozart, and talks english knows alot of family member names, probaly more than me...and prays in viet and understands it!! and a big nice ass house..he must be happy fa sho..  but do ppl still keep in touch with the ppl that broke their heart or had a failed relationship? hmmm I wonder...what would they say or talk about? Could a person TRULY have love for another if they still love the person in the past?  yeah there is love..of course...I dont know what the fuck ..I'll just have to let life do its thing while I live it ...to fnd out and see.. Maybe it[the person/relationship] is just left somewhere in the back of their mind..no contact,but just memories and a place in their heart. damm thats soOoOo sad..... going down memory lane

Sunday, May 14, 2006

purpo stuff n good Current mood: giddy codine cup im sippin on.. And for the most I'm steady sippin' on some sizzerp Sippin' on some siz-erp, sip, sippin' on some, sip smoking up, keepin lean all up in my cup   Uhhhh Oohhh dammm dat shit is CRAZY!! FUCK man...and it hits u like dammm omgsh. it ONly takes A Little...OMGSH...I woke up with my eyes still red!!! yeah and it didnt go away till a few hours later! I had to sleep again  today that shit got me so tired! I was just chilling and it just hit me like my whole face just turned warm like all my blood was just instantly warm or something , it already is but you know what I mean...its kinda like a mixture of being buzzed,high and drunk???  i dont know how to explain it but DAMMMM!!! OMGsh I had me a bleezy covered in it and sipp some of that Pink sprite LMAO some of yall kno wat i mean some dream LOL....hahahahhahahahahahahaha omgsh....thats all I gotta say!!!       yeah that is ExacTLY how it looks like! dats da Pretty In Pink Drink! LOL     dammm my eyes are watery and im still feeling it a little...hahaha daMMmM cigarillo doeDo ....tryin tah hold it in this is a picture back when...yeah like a kite this is how the sun really looks like! wat is that blue dot!?! I bet its just light that more hotter than the yellow like a lighter hahahah say Hello to my Biggie Frend  ^_*  yeah that clip is 2 or 3x the normal size..u should see it with the drum, HOTNESS!   Wednesday, May 24, 2006 Clubbing and da PoPoe Current mood: crazy so we went clubbin at Shea?? that shit was so crunk, I would rate it out of the the few times [4] I went clubbing the best one out of four! sooo I would say it won the crunkness award! hahahaha Yeahz and I was fool with it !LMAO erh all I can is YAH!! danced the night away...and yupp I also got pulled over by the popoes later and he could tell I was intoxicated and underage[my Xes on the hands] and I dont really have a license..but a permit type deal lol...and so many other things against me, gosh I was just taking a 5 minute drive to talk to a friend but nooppe...he lemme go with nothing! Owell I was so Tired newayz ....shit I know I could have gone to jail ...damm Im Lucky and so AwesOme! I forgot when this was taken but I was so out of it, cant you tell by my eyes? hehe Wednesday, May 31, 2006 Quotes,Poems n Story Love love is a heart that can become a broken puzzle if torn apart. Love is a dagger forced into a poor lonely soul that can break you or make you whole. Love is a game, shame, lame and a name. Love is a new life and a knife. Love can be like death, it can give or take your breath. Love is a saddness, a sorrow. Love is a new day tomorrow.Love is destressing, depressing and obsessing. Love is glory and a never ending story. Love is a flower that can be weak or be a power. Love is appealing, a feeling and can be hurtful or healing. Love is a fire, a burning desire and can be a dirty liar. Love is a killer a thriller. Love is a pill that messes with will. Love isaflowing riverthatmakesyou cold, makes you quiver.Love is a new door that can be empty or can be more. Love is a passage way, a new beginning, a brand new day. Love is the colors black and blue from the bruises from the old that still look new.Love is a book, a new way to look. Love is pain that can be lost or can gain. Love is apart of you and me and thats the way it will always be... Dream variation To fling my arms wide, In some place of the sun, To whirl and dance, the white day is done. Then rest at cool evening, Beneath a tall tree,  While night comes on gently, Dark like me- This is my dream! To fling my arms wide, In the face of the sun, Dance!Whirl!Whirl! Til the quick day is done, Rest at pale evening...Rest at pale evening...A tall, slim tree... Night coming tenderly, Black like me. -Langston Hughes Know all the possibilties of your impossible dream... Love love is a heart that can become a broken puzzle if torn apart. Love is a dagger forced into a poor lonely soul that can break you or make you whole. Love is a game, shame, lame and a name. Love is a new life and a knife. Love can be like death, it can give or take your breath. Love is a saddness, a sorrow. Love is a new day tomorrow.Love is destressing, depressing and obsessing. Love is glory and a never ending story. Love is a flower that can be weak or be a power. Love is appealing, a feeling and can be hurtful or healing. Love is a fire, a burning desire and can be a dirty liar. Love is a killer a thriller. Love is a pill that messes with will. Love isaflowing riverthatmakesyou cold, makes you quiver.Love is a new door that can be empty or can be more. Love is a passage way, a new beginning, a brand new day. Love is the colors black and blue from the bruises from the old that still look new.Love is a book, a new way to look. Love is pain that can be lost or can gain. Love is apart of you and me and thats the way it will always be... ***I can`t choose how I feel but I can choose what I do about it. *** It`s better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride. ***Disappointments are like road bumps, they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards. ***life is tough, but im tougher My heart is all black and blue from all the abuseit has been through. No more abuse, no more shame, all because my love for you isnt a game...i`m tired of all your lies, and all the crap you say. As i leave my love for you behind, my heart is screaming YAY...yay for no more abuse, no more pain, and no more sorrow....now my heart can heal...but it wont be healed by tomorrow. How could I have been so blind to see...how much loving you was hurting me? I dont care anymore beacuse I am free...free from all the pain, that your love has caused me. love had once said... Once upon a time, on an island lived: Happiness, Knowledge, Sadness, Vanity, Richness and Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so they all prepared their boats and left. Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to stay with the island until it started sinking. When Love was almost sinking, he decided to ask for help. Richness came by Love in a beautiful boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered,"No, I can`t.. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you." Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by, "Vanity, please help me!" "I can`t help you Love. You are all wet and you may damage my boat," Vanity answered. Sadness was close by so again Love asked for help, "Sadness,let me go with you." "Oh...Love, I am so sad that I prefer togo alone!"HappinesspassedbyLove too, but she was so happy that she did not listen when Love called her! Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. Love became so happy that he even forgot to ask the elder her name. Whenthey arrived on dry land, the elder went on her own way Love asked Knowledge, another elder, the name of the elder who had helped him. "It was Time," answered Knowledge. "Time? But why did Time help me?" asked Love. "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is," answered Knowledge. "Take the time to know what Real Love is" Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being"in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left overwhen being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. You and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when allthe pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two....   I find these quotes poems and stories to be true....Yall can learn from this ppl..READ... Sunday, June 04, 2006 Never and I Pray... Current mood: tired  feelin every word... Never.. You walked into my life, when i was down and out Took away my pain and gave me your smile And at the time, still lovin someone else I know why cause they was the reason why I felt the way i felt And then one day I realize that you were the one for me I was so blind, but baby now I see And I'll never let you go, no, no, no I love you so And I'll get on both my knees and I'll beg you please Will you spend the rest of your life with me Cause I never babe Want to let you go, oh no never babe, no, no, no ,no, no, no, no I wish that I could turn back the hands of time Cause if I wouldov'e knew your love was like this Back then I wouldov'e made you mine, oh yeah If I had to die a thousand times a day I would do it for you, just to take The pain that I have given you away Cause I love you and I never want to And I'll never let you go, no, no, no I love you so And I'll get on both my knees and I'll beg you please Will you spend the rest of your life with me Cause I never babe Want to let you go, oh no never babe, no, no, no ,no, no, no, no I'm sorry (oh yes I am) I'm sorry (I'm so sorry baby) And I'll never let you go, no, no, no I love you so And I'll get on both my knees and I'll beg you please Will you spend the rest of your life with me Cause I never babe Want to let you go, oh no never babe, no, no, no ,no, no, no, no I Pray... You know with every day that passes i pray to god I'll never forget who you are. You mean everything to me. I love you Ooooh Ooooh Ooh i pray You were in my dream Before i even knew there was a you and me, Now i can't wait to see your smile, When i wake up each day, It makes it worth while, With the kinda love you plant inside, Specially with a heart so empty as mine. All your soft tenderness is the one thing that i don't wanna miss. I pray, When it's time for me to say goodbye I'll never forget looking in your eyes, I pray, That i feel your touch And that God doesn't forget our love, I pray, When i close my eyes, I can still see visions of you on my mind. I pray, That i see you in another life, I pray that you stay by my side. Oh i pray. Everything that you give to me, Only comes in a fantasy, It seems like life goes by so fast, But in this time i wanna make it last. (i pray) I hate that we live to die, But only God knows why (i pray) We all have a purpose, And to see you again it'll be worth it. I wish that i could stop time, I wish that i could rewind, To the very begining of every second of my life. To ask God on my hands and knees, To never let me forget all my special memories. See i'm only promised today, And if it's my time to go, I don't want the love of my life to ever fade away, So one last time Let me open my eyes. To see what my life used to be like. Oh God. Friday, June 09, 2006 Going Crazy...&Surgery Current mood: exhausted Going Crazy by Natalie Ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold My life just hasn't been the same ohh baby, nooo When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go I just broke down (down) Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrifice Cuz the feeling that I feel within No other man would ever make me feel so right Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at night But I'd rather have you here with me, right next to me I miss the way you hold me tight I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch I never thought that I could ever love a man so much I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything Thats right baby I'm going crazy I need to be your lady I've been thinking lately That you and me, yes we can make it Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby Break it down now I'll tell you what I feel From the moment that I met you its been so damn real My heart seems to skip another beat Every time we speak, I can't believe I feel so weak Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me And you love me I'm your lady I'll be around waiting for you I'll put it down be the woman for you I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you I`m calling, calling out to you what am I going to do? It's true, no fronting Its you and no other i can no longer go on without you I'll just break down (down) I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch I never thought that I could ever love a man so much I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything [Chorus 2x] Thats right baby I'm going crazy I need to be your lady I've been thinking lately That you and me, yes we can make it Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby Ohhh, ohhh.... Crazy... lady..... lately.... Ohhh ohhh..... Ohh ohhh ohhhhhh Baby... i use to listen to this song alot when i just got my paper license or something like that lol....and my ride of course hahaa..when driving to tha airport just jamming to this song and Energy..hahaha that song got me hyped up!!! today im going to go in for surgery for my molars/wisdom teeth? i dont know..but i have been preparing since yesterday...I just took 3 pills of ibuprofen..hahah yeah Im going to be drugged up, they are going to gimme anethesia I have to get ready real sooon...im kinda scared, but I know I shouldnt be scared of anything cause whatever happens is God's will... FuckK NuCkk ...needles and gassy mask ...man....thats like some shit ina movie..yikes!! neways i have to do this nasty ass prescribed mouthwash[worst tasting ever!!!] and prepare to go now...im hungry and i couldnt drink or eat nethang since 12 last night, man it was torture! ....its bout to be 9 and I wont be able to go on myspace for a little bit..probaly wont be able to talk or shouldnt so the stitches can heal....I accidently ate a frie at 12:22 and i hope that doesnt affect the surgery....can ya tell im  a bit worried? hehe. hopefullie I can eat solid foods by the end of the day...man im going to be starving..all i saw on the counter was the little pieces of fried chicken my mom made, and i wont be able to eat taht fresh..boohooo...and the chicken noodle cans im probaly going to eat....NOoOOoo that never made me full..and it sure didnt satisfy my big appetite...gosh I want variety..boohooooo they say after soup i can work up to jello or pudding but i dont think we have ne...aww man...i guess soup all day for me edit: Thanks John and Ernie for my jello, pudding packs and tomatoe and Goldfish crackers, it was yummy!!! I started feeling the surgeon doctor poke and scrape at my gums when i was conscious, maybe the anethesia didnt kick in.yet cause they had to turn this bag upside down or something or maybe he was giving me a shot but I dont know It didnt feel like the numbing shot i had before when i got my cavities..lol...neways so my gauges get stuck to my tonsil and it got pulled on..that hurt...i used the restroom and slightly hit my head..yeah that hurt too haha uhmmm  im bout to take some more ibuprofen and that will be 15 so far today lol..yeahz i wanna go out but dont wanna risk my health, my little katrina victim cuzzin came by to visit and she has grown so big awww she so cute! I took pictures wiht my doc and my visitors and family caretakers lol...wish i had some more visitors, maybe tmrw more ppl will visit *cross fingers* ahem best frend***haha hopefullie my buddy will bring a bugs life too! I miss that movie so much..well i gotta tilt my head and rest..haha I survived! lol NATALIE (f/ Baby Bash) LYRICS Energy [Baby Bash] Energy, digging on your energy Energy, digging on your energy Energy, digging on your energy. energy [Chorus 2x] Boy, I'm digging on your energy (Energy) And I'm digging what you telling me (Telling me) So I wrote this little melody (Melody) And dedicate it to my favorite lover [Verse 1 - Natalie] I'm lying in bed There's thoughts in my head I'm thinking bout you Over and over and over and over again What can I tell you, you got me so twisted Tossing and turning Over and over and over and over again So I wrote a song tonight (Tonight) You weren't begging me to write (To write) Tell me is it cool tonight (Tonight) To don't know what's on my mind [Chorus 2x] Boy, I'm digging on your energy (Energy) And I'm digging what you telling me (Telling me) So I wrote this little melody (Melody) And dedicate it to my favorite lover [Verse 2 - Baby Bash] Rain and shine sleet and snow Couldn't stop the way we flow Welcome to my miracle And I'm digging on your lyrical Your melody is my remedy Squeeze to my Hennessey The one to call when I'm sipping for With the candy coated Tennessee Just make a wish. And let's make it a fish with your boy Baby Bash with some heavenly bliss Because your kisses on my lips, girl I'm ready to roll With so vicious and bubblicious, the energy's throwed [Chorus 2x] Boy, I'm digging on your energy (Energy) And I'm digging what you telling me (Telling me) So I wrote this little melody (Melody) And dedicate it to my favorite lover [Verse 3 - Natalie] Boy, you know that I dig you I fell in love when I met you I love the way you make me feel Your energy is something real (Fa. sho.) Boy, I love the way (I love the way) You make me feel (You make feel) Is something bout you loving me Can't do without your energy [Chorus 2x] Boy, I'm digging on your energy (Energy) And I'm digging what you telling me (Telling me) So I wrote this little melody (Melody) And dedicate it to my favorite lover [Baby Bash] Energy, digging on your energy Energy, digging on your energy Energy, digging on your energy. energy ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Dissapointed. MAVScollage,Recovery Pics Current mood: sad  I cant believe the DALLAS MAVERICKS Lost!.... I was really getting into it and they dissapoint me 3 times in a row...man...shit ..well avery did a pretty good job for coaching though huh..i think somethings fucked up with the miami heat people..they dont know how to referee and judge ..that pa announcer looks like hes on crack and is damm annoying... Q & A's everybody. Q: Do u like the Mavericks? - NO shit sherlock, go DALLAS bebe!! ! Q: Did u make ur own fan jersey? -yes Q: Does it say "Phat" for ur size? -yes Q: Do  u like DIrk? - SUCK my DirK     the Mavericks Collage... A little note: I was still recovering went I went to the AA center, so yeah my cheek is bruised and swollen, hard to tell??   Q: Some of the pictures look like it has a hidden meaning, are my eyes hazey?? -no, haha there are some hidden jokes in this picture if you like staring that hard, then go for it, tell me what you see and ill tell u if it is right. _________________________________________________________ neways, heres a little sneak peek at my recovery, keepin it gangstah   deuces || fingerz, still lQQking Fly..I ..I..I till I Die ..I ..I..i...i..i _________________________________________________________ and pictures of me and my new Haircut, yah dig?

Saturday, June 24, 2006

the best azn grl dancers i EVA seen i think there all azn lol

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Because Im a girl------kiss Kiss- "Because I'm a girl" I just cant understand the hearts of men they tell you they want you and then they leave you this is the first time, you're special I believed those words and I was so happy you should have told me you didn't like me any more but I couldn't see that and you just rushed me although I will curse you I'll still miss you since I am a girl, to whom love is everything i heard that if you give up things too easily to a man, he will get bored with you i don't think this is wrong a girl says that she will never be fooled again but she will fall in love again you should have told me you didn't like me any more but I couldn't see that and you just rushed me although I will curse you I'll still miss you since I am a girl, to whom love is everything Hey babe The pain It's not enough to describe how I feel We were so happy together But I know now I've been blind You told me that youd never let me down Whenever I needed you you'd always be here I can forgive but I cant forget Even though you hurt me I still love you I still love you don't take advantage of a girl's willingness to do anything for love and her caring instinct i didn't know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard although i will curse you i'll still miss you since i am a girl, to whom love is everything although i will curse you i'll still miss you since i am a girl, to whom love is everything [guy narration] There's someone I'm in love with... Although I cant be with her now... Im still in love with her...

Sunday, July 23, 2006

All I want is love by erin prestileo   just run with me when I first saw ur face, i knew you were special boy..you took my breath away, i knew it was too soon, but inside i wanted to tell you.... baby, look at me, cant you see? im dying, i need you.. just run with me.. its been so long..so long dont know what to say dont know what to do you just seem so confused all i want is love and you wont give it up all i want is love....& your love boy [guy] baby look at my eyes so you can seee that loves you deeply i know its hard cause all i do is regard i just need some time to prove.. [back to grl] all i need is for you to care.. [guy] i know its hard for you to trust in me..all i wanna be is with you... [grl] dont know what to say dont know wahat to do you just seem so confused all i want is love when you wont give it up and ur love boy dont know what to say dont know what to do you just seem so confused all i want is love and you wont give it up and your love boy dont know what to say dont know what to do baby all i want is love...All i want is YOU... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- this song is how im feeling of the moment, and damm its right.."all i want is love, all i want is for you to care..all i want is your love but you wont give it up" I see ppls been going to my blogs or whatever, wassup with the comemnts? hahaha = ZerO new errRrrr i dont even know what to say cause there is just too much running on in my mind..mostly I been lonely as in I havent had a bf in awhile and I know its my choice cause I could have had alot of opportunities but I just not feelin it..i want love but I dont know..im picky now ..I cant just let someone have a chance and it was for nothing, or...to fuck me over, fuck that... no doubt im lonely, but shit Im trying to get use to that fact, it seems like everyones hooking up and shit..I use to be the one that was in a relationship and now everyones finding each other, wheres my love??? even singles got someone that they talking too and shit but I guess Im too broken to wanna try again I dont know what Im doing, just trying to live life day by day just hope nothing/nobody makes me have a bad day.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Special Girl by Nb Ridaz     Dear Lord is he really out there somewhere? ------------------------------------------------------ never let me go, never let me go im going to hang on to those memories, of us smiling, before i let you go i will never leave you cause I love you so, and we will build a happy home ill be there for you, youll be there for me, hoplessly, romantic... never let me go, never let me go, we will always be together never let me go & Boy I will love you forever... u should know my feelings are real, ill be the only one, ill always be here, youll never be alone, ill make ur days bright, Ill make ur days right till we both grow old, I keep finding ways to let you know, I promise you Imma always be here for you... never let me go and I will love you boy forever...................

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

why Im single... by Edens Crush [new song on page] I can't see tomorrow What the future holds But I believe my heart knows enough... Though sometimes I'm confused And I guess I stand to lose I don't want to risk missing your sweet love And ooh if I knew Everything would end soon I'd still choose to be with you I can feel your body Promise me the pleasure Move me even closer to you I can read your mind and I believe it's time too You don't have to ask Just promise me this time won't be the last time Ooh ooh Promise me forever Don't just say "whatever" A broken vow is better than none Don't dare leave me to feel As if you were not real We both know this memory will live on And ooh if I knew Everything would end soon I'd still fall into your love I can feel your body Promise me the pleasure Move me even closer to you I can read your mind and I believe it's time too You don't have to ask Just promise me this time won't be the Promise me this night won't be the last time baby Promise me this night won't be the last Promise me this night won't be the last Promise me this night won't be the last And ooh if I knew Everything would end soon I'd still choose to be with you I can feel your body Promise me the pleasure Move me even closer to you I can read your mind and I believe it's time too You don't have to ask Just promise me this time won't be the last I can feel your body Promise me the pleasure Move me even closer to you I can read your mind and I believe it's time too You don't have to ask Just promise me this time won't be the last time Just promise me this time won't be the last time ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Everyone asks me why Im single...well everytime I try with someone it ends up all wrong... everyone can be convinced: you, your friends and its all fucked up. How can I trust anyone anymore? I know a player and though he apologized to me, he still playing his game to others.. I feel upset by the thought but hey, at least its not me right? Some guys will wait for you for years...then when you go out with them they still play your ass. I know a couple of relationships like this..makes me wonder...who is ever faithful anymore or real or true? Are all realtionships when ppl cheat on each other, and then they just work it out and be together or something? I know realtionships take work, but what the hell?? I guess I'll never know.... falling in love can make the happiest feelings and the worst... taking another chance is a very big step maybe 10 stories high and im below sea level...drowned in the darkest cliff where its all black ...my hearts basically dead. someone broke it..damaged on life support when will the plug be pulled? =/ I dont know If I can hold on anymore...but im alive... so I guess I ought tah.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

just too little too late.. Current mood: refreshed JoJo- Too Little Too late     Ooh no Come with me, stay the night You say the words but boy it don't feel right What do you expect me to say (You know it's just too little too late) You take my hand, and you say you've changed But boy you know your beggin don't fool me Because to you it's just a game   So let me on down Cause time has made me strong I'm starting to move on I'm gonna say this now Your chance has come and gone And you know   It's just too little too late A little too wrong And I can't wait Boy you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late) You say you dream of my face But you don't like me You just like the chase To be real, it doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)   I was young and in love I gave you everything but it wasn't good enough And now you wanna communicate Go find someone else In lettin you go, I'm lovin myself You gotta problem But don't come askin me for help Cause ya know   It's just too little too late A little too wrong And I can't wait Boy you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late) You say you dream of my face But you don't like me You just like the chase To be real, it doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)   I can love with all of my heart baby I know I have so much to give (I have so much to give) With a player like you, I don't have a prayer That's the way to live, yeah oh   It's just too little, too late Yeah   It's just too little too late A little too wrong And I can't wait Boy you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late) You say you dream of my face But you don't like me You just like the chase To be real, it doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    what tha fuck was I thinking, I put up with so much shit when I love somebody ...when they say they realized that you cater to them, and they were stupid and they wanna make it better and they are sorry....so they want another chance huh? well dont believe them until they show you with ALOT of ACTIOn and good deeds...u know what you do, u piss them off and see how they act towards you, pft change HAHAHA, fuck tha bullshit

Monday, September 04, 2006

my regret Current mood: exhausted by Banky W. I got something to say, grl listen its too late now, but I still got something to say, girl Im sorry that I treated you that way.. I was gone now, the moment has passed, when I had the chance to try to make us last.. all alone now, and its no one fault but mines, couldnt see the truth i had the blinded eyes      you have moved on, still I dont give a damm, gotta give this off my chest while I can every single hour of every single day I live, miss you more and more, dont know what to say, I know I closed the door, since you went away I need you , i need you wanna take it back to the day when we first met, if i could ill start all over again, our love is my regret..... wanna take it back to the day when we first met, if i could Ill start all over again, our love is my regret shoulda known that, what I know now, dying every second that your not around. shoulda been there, when you needed me.... babe, now im by myself on my bended knee shoulda loved you, while I had the chance too, couldnt realize that you are the truth shoulda showed you.. what you meant to me, baby now I see that you are my queen   every single hour of every single day I live, miss you more and more, dont know what to say, I know I closed the door, since you went away and now that youre gone gone gone cant we take it back babe?? I wanna take it back to the day when we first met, if i could ill start all over again, our love is my regret wanna take it back to the day when we first met, if i could ill start all over again, our love is my regret say yess...ohhhh say yess ohh... break it down now... wanan take it back to the place where we first met, if i Could I would start all over again, our love is my regret. wanna take it back to the day when we first met, If i  could start all over gain our love is my regret give me one more chance, i wanna prove it to you... wanna take it back to the day when we first met, if i could i would start all over gain,baby grl, our love is my regret baby, why wont you come back to me darling? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know there are some things that you wish you coulda changed if you knew the things you did now..well thats how Im feeling right now... and some this beat is kinda like a song that they would have made back in the days..well some parts hahaa when its just the beat. everything happens for a reason..and though things dont turn out the way we planned, hopefully we learned from it and try not to make the same mistake again... sometimes I wonder why it matters if someone/a friend knows you really well...can easily get backstabbed or hurt...but then again...do they really, when they doubted you in the first place and just acted like they believed you? I really hope there is a heaven and that Im going there and the ppl that I love...well I really dont wanna see neone suffer in hell except like terrorists or something like that. In heaven, I wanna ask God so many things like was it really true...or was i being messed with? and just have that "closure". some cant provide it. and though it sucks, I cant really do much about it .bla bla bla ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You know with every day that passes i pray to god I'll never forget who you are. You mean everything to me. I love you.... Now i can't wait to see your smile, When i wake up each day, It makes it worth while... All your soft tenderness is the one thing that i don't wanna miss. I pray, When it's time for me to say goodbye I'll never forget looking in your eyes, I pray, That i feel your touch And that God doesn't forget our love, I pray, When i close my eyes, I can still see visions of you on my mind. I pray, That i see you in another life, I pray that you stay by my side. Everything that you give to me, Only comes in a fantasy, It seems like life goes by so fast, But in this time i wanna make it last. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ these lyrics kinda go with what I just said huh? I got yahoo now!! ask me for my sn. and yeah my aim is only on my phone right now. gayness... neone who looks at my blogs and ont comment is gay. AHEM*

Thursday, September 21, 2006

take me to UR HEART...... "Take Me To Your Heart" by Michael Learns to Rock Hiding from the rain and snow Trying to forget but I won't let go Looking at a crowded street Listening to my own heart beat So many people all around the world Tell me where do I find someone like you girl [Chorus] Take me to your heart take me to your soul Give me your hand before I'm old Show me what love is - haven't got a clue Show me that wonders can be true They say nothing lasts forever We're only here today Love is now or never Bring me far away Take me to your heart take me to your soul Give me your hand and hold me Show me what love is - be my guiding star It's easy take me to your heart Standing on a mountain high Looking at the moon through a clear blue sky I should go and see some friends But they don't really comprehend Don't need too much talking without saying anything All I need is someone who makes me wanna sing...   take me to your heart,take me to your soul, hold my hand before im old, give me your hand and hold me, show me what love is.. --------------------------------------------- i think i heard this song when i was littler or the beat it sounds so familiar though i been knowing this song forawhile now but yeah isnt it nice?   .....I bumped into an old frend and he was telling me that I shouldnt be single or something and that I dont wanna grow old alone and all that, I really dont.   Being single makes ya think alot.

did a little over amile today it felt good in the cold ass weather, i neeeded that. too much SHIT in my life